Glad to see so many holding the party line that climate change is a hoax.

We salute you.

The UN is controlled by the weirdos at the WEF who want us to own nothing. We know this because Guterres keeps going on and on about how hot it is; the past 9 months the hottest on record. He drones on about how the poor, the Global South and the previously colonised are being affected the most.

The UN is obviously evil because they want us to address these inequalities. Any policy would take us straight back to living in caves or at least to Medieval Times. The barefaced cheek of it; good job we have power of veto.

Thank you for opposing energy independence and for continuing to support US energy dominance. We’re doing our best to flatten Gaza, as well as the people living there, so that we can get a load of the lovely gas that’s underneath them.

We’d rather a war in the Middle East (please don’t call it West Asia; all areas on Earth are named in relation to us in the West) than allow brown people to trade, flourish and to live their lives in peace and sovereignty. We know that war increases the problem of climate change immensely. However, lots of the money you give for arms goes directly into the pockets of our illustrious MIC cronies and doesn’t get made into weapons at all, so that’s good?

Thank you for posting that people who want to protect animals from abuse in the animal ag industry (we know; it is in fact bloody awful) are evil elites who want to reduce human rights to those of animals and not the other way around. This protects our profits a lot, so really, thank you.

Thanks for highlighting the farmers protests and the shocking removal of the animal ag industry’s right to pollute the environment with absolute impunity; the dastardly villains at the WEF obviously want to control the food supply (but don’t worry; we already control the food supply).

Thanks for saying that the easily refutable tired old tropes of climate denial that we put out on social media, and you kept reposting, are being censored. JP and his shite gets millions of views, weehee! We also see that our hatchet jobs on ‘evil personified’ YNH went down very well.

Thanks for turning Sustainable Development Goals into very dirty words; we agree; thinking about the future when plundering the Earth for profit is a very bad idea indeed and now we don’t even have to bother with all the greenwashing BS.

Thanks, as well, for posting how annoying and hypocritical Just Stop Oil protests are; that’s why we funded and planned them.

We’re so glad to see many of you still supporting fossil fuels and animal ag in the face of quite a lot of contraindications and are posting that climate change isn’t all that bad or that it cannot be caused by humans. Well done, keep it up! (Although we all secretly know the climate crisis is anthropogenic and really rather awful.) We like to keep out of the news things like the flooding of the area we often regime change known as Pakistan; no geo-engineered cloud seeds to blame for devastating floods in this poor country.

We’re very pleased how the ‘globalist agenda’ has taken off. You seem to be losing your shit about eating bugs and 15 minute smart cities. These were ideas that some bright spark or student suggested. They were shelved for being a really silly idea or too much like ‘big brother’ (don’t worry; we already know everything that you do). We pretended to revive them for the very same reasons that they were shelved; clever huh?

MSM, of course, do as they’re told and rarely mention climate change (if they never did; it would look very suspicious). Even more rarely does MSM comment on our incredible profits and subsidies from tax payers (thanks for these generous gifts guys).

Politicians on both sides have dropped green policies like hot potatoes and who can blame them? We’re sure that this is due to your invaluable contribution and, all in all, you’ve been absolutely great.

The climate crisis and global inequality are the biggest threats that humans have faced. More importantly they’re the biggest threats our profits have faced.

So thank you from the bottom of our pockets. (We have no hearts.)

🐒